batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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