Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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