he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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