Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
