it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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