Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
