I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
