the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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