I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This baby is an asshole
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
