im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish there were birth control emojis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
