the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
