You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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