Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
