its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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