am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
