AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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