God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
