i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
