Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
