I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
