people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
