New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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