I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
