His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
