Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize