someone owes me an orgasm
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
