I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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