im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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