Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Mom said you looked used
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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