Buhtt sex?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
