wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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