remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
