idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
