Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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