I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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