therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
