I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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