Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
