Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ttyl tear gas
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize