u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
