:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
