I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I could fuck to npr.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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