I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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