still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
