so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
