Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
