Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
