The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
