Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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