I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
