turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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