Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
