wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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