Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
