So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
