Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
