His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize