If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
