Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize