This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
