I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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