boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
