And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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