I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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