I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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