toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this just has baby written all over it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
