I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
