Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize